ABOUT BEING A GIRL

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All my life I've been more of a tomboy. I'm that girl who sits with her legs spread wide apart, regardless if I'm wearing pants or skirts. When I was going through my teenage years, I'm the girl who you'd be surprised and shocked to see wearing anything other than pants! Everyone knew me as the girl who wasn't really a girl. I didn't care about vanity - I didn't care if my hair had flyaways, I didn't care if I had pimples, nor did I give a shit about wearing big fat unflattering spectacles. Other girls would get up an extra 20 minutes earlier than I do, and I genuinely couldn't give a rats ass about how I look. 

Looking back, I wished that I gave at least a little bit into how I look. Not because of what others think of me, or lack thereof, but for the honest purpose of having a good standard of personal grooming. For many years, I felt pressured to keep up that image of mine. To be the girl who isn't a 'girl'.  I've always thought that my identity is closely tied with what I wear or how I appear to look. "Since everyone knew I didn't give a shit, maybe I should continue not giving a shit" was what I thought. It was an empowering doctrine to live by, especially in your teenage years - but because of that I was what people would call a 'late bloomer'. I only became 'pretty' or 'sightly' when I got into college, or more specifically, when I started to behave and act like an actual 'girl'.

We live in a gender oppressed society. Where wearing skirts make you a 'girl' and wearing pants make you anything but a 'girl'. And where flowers, or a flowy dress label that you have a vagina. Nonetheless, I love hearing stories and news about movements that is trying to break that. Even recently SCOTUS just passed a law that same sex marriage is now legal in the United States, and that is one huge step for mankind in the direction of a gender liberated society. I only hope that the rest of the world follow suit. And that one day, I wouldn't have to hear "Elreena you look so girly in that dress!". Because I no longer dress to look like a girl, or an anti-girl. I dress however I want.


MIDI THINGS

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Midi Dress x FABSPY | Bucket Bag x H&M | Vagabond Kasai 


MIDI IS THE FUTURE; AND THE FUTURE IS NOW.

I love midi skirts and dresses but I don't wear them enough! The heat here in Malaysia is scorching and I've yet to find the reason to cover my stems up. I don't know if I've mentioned it here before or not but I'm dying from this heatwave. The humidity here is insane and I sweat just by standing up! As soon as I step out of the car or out of a shop, my legs would start perspiring at a rate as fast as Malaysia's spiralling economy. 

For real though, this set of iPhotos were taken over a month ago while I was visiting KL. Tyler and I were running some errands (well he was, I was cheerfully tagging along) and while on our runs we saw this gigantic vine wall and obviously, who couldn't resist! I hope the temperature goes down a notch because this overbearing heat is making me really grumpy and I really want to wear more midi things.

Is there such a thing as staying in love?

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Do you believe in true love?

If you do, what is it like? How does it feel? How do stay in love?





But I don't. I've never seen one that worked. Everyone I know are either in destructive relationships, or in complete denial that they're in one. Or maybe I'm just bitter and sour. I hear my friends complain about their significant others day in and day out and yet they remain in relationships that are ultimately deemed to fail. They hate each other and always try to change one another. People are always trying to force their lovers to fit in the moulds of their idealities. People stay in relationships not because of love or loyalty, but because of fear. The root of any working relationship is the fear of being alone. I'm a cynic and I apologise for not biting into the ideals and fantasy of romance. Perhaps that's why I'm an avid watcher of romantic films because it feeds my belief that something so elusive as being in love only exists in hollywood movies. 

Every relationship go through the same cycle. First it starts with the encounter, and then begins the infatuation stage and then comes the lust. Soon after the stage will commence into what most people would call it as 'the being in love' stage. It's the lovey dovey phase where two people find their lives completely revolved around the other. They eat, breathe and sleep together. As satisfying and enthralling as it is, it will ultimately end, believe me. It's either someone screws up, or people drift apart, or like I said, the fear of losing everything kicks in.

I grew up watching my parents in a constant battle over the years. My mother has always told me about her dissatisfaction of married life. But she often contradicts herself because although she hated her marriage she is thankful that at least four amazing kids came out of it. I listen to the same stories while I watch different friends come in and out of her life. Every day my mother tells me that she wants to leave and I roll my eyes at every single time. 

Love is not about loyalty. It's not about communication nor cooperation. It's definitely not about being respectful to one another and it's not about honesty either. It's the complete opposite. Love is about settling. Love is about being confined. Love is a nothing but a fantasy. It is temporary and filled with lust. Love is a luxury that nobody can afford.

That's my thought for today. If you disagree, please share something insightful about love and relationships with me. I'm in that state where I'm just waiting for someone to come into my life and prove me otherwise. 



It's okay to be alone

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I’m the type of person who is very protective of my personal time. My personal space is my sanctity and if you invade that, my emotions will spiral down into a deep pit of despair, I'm not even joking. I’m generally quite a positive person but I too need some time alone. It’s not that I get overly pessimistic about life, I’ll just get moody and very, VERY grumpy. Basically, I take the term ‘my own time’ very seriously. I could go out all week and be as social as I can but at the end of the day I just want to lay in my own bed, in peace and undisturbed. 

So the other week when I took my own ‘holiday’ to KL, I stayed over at my aunt place whilst she’s away. Half way through my aunt and uncle came back and I pretty much had to persevere through all that extended relative dinners and lunches, answer all the interrogative questions relatives are o inclined to ask. Which is honestly very uncomfortable for me. I am very very grateful of my aunt’s generosity and hospitality but at the same time I feel like I’m being a burden to others and it really bothers me. I hate troubling other people most of all and I hate not being able to do anything about it!

At times I'll 'run' or basically find a secluded corner to regenerate my senses. I can sit in an entirely empty apartment (which is what I'm doing at the time I drafted this up) and be completely fine all by myself! I'm not a loner but I like being alone sometimes. It gives me the time to think about my entire existence. It's like a crisis when I'm declined of my zen time - an existential crisis! Sometimes people may think you’re weird just because you like being alone. If that’s what weird is, then weird I am.


Ruby Sparks

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How about I take a break from posting photos of myself and take this chance to talk about a film that I genuinely love! One of the many movies that I watched on board the 14 hour flights to and fro London is this incredible movie called Ruby Sparks. It's adorable, unique and down right fresh. When I said 'fresh', I meant that it wasn't like any other blockbuster movies, it left me inspired and obsessed. 





Ruby Sparks is about a writer, Calvin (played by Paul Dano) who literally created a person, Ruby Sparks, out of a figment of his imagination. Calvin is an awkward, insecure introvert who is struggling to continue his career as a writer. Calvin is such a real character in a sense that I can completely relate to his emotions and struggles. Being an introvert myself, I know how nerve wrecking it is to be among social crowds and forced to mingle. Whereas Ruby, created by Calvin, is the total opposite. She's reckless and fearless and has this certain appeal to her; she is what I considered to be unorthodoxly beautiful. And she wears coloured tights under lace dresses!






Together, Ruby and Calvin makes the most adorable unconventionally beautiful couple. They're the kind that makes your insides turn into plush and this story will put the biggest and most foolish looking smile on your face. Let me also point out that the cinematography is inspiring and absolutely amazing. If you're a big fan of long shots and rule-of-third compositions, you will definitely enjoy watching this film. Truly, I think that Ruby Sparks is a beautiful movie. It is nothing like other romance films out there (at least the ones I've seen). The actors and their characters aren't the conventional gorgeous Hollywood glamour - they don't have perfect features or a hot bod, but it's their imperfections that will catch you off guard. I found that I fell in love with his instability and her tenacity.





Upon the start of the movie, I was initially indifferent towards Calvin/Paul Dano. I didn't exactly like him at first, but I didn't altogether despise him either while I thought Ruby/Zoe Kazan resembles that of a bunny rabbit. But as soon as the first plot twist began I find myself falling in love with these characters. Surprisingly, I eventually found Ruby to be a beautiful redhead and her fearlessness made me wish I could be just like her. Where Calvin, on the other hand, had me feeling a whole lot of admiration for him especially whenever he had this little panic attacks and had his hair all fluffed up. I'm a sucker for boys like that - I'm a sucker for nervous wrecks.






Honestly, I didn't think I would at all liked this film. I went on a limb and selected this movie because I couldn't sleep on the flight back and I've watched every other film available (also somehow Wolverine wasn't playable). It's either destined to be, or maybe out of sheer luck that I was able to watch this movie, either way I am glad it happened. I love this movie, not only because of the story and the plot twists, but I also love the characters and their individual stories. 

See what I told you about being legitimately obsessed? Give it a watch if you had the chance! The only bug about this movie is that it progresses quite slow for my taste, but trust me, everything else will definitely make up for it. If you're a big action/drama fan, I'm sorry to disappoint you because this film does not have any of it. If you're a sap like me, then give it a watch!

 
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